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Member Since: 5-Jul-09
Location: US
Posts: 193
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Just getting started
My coming-out story
So I thought I'd just share my personal story of how I realized I was bisexual.

Okay. So every time I try to remember where my bisexuality started, I think I can pinpoint it but then I remember something from even earlier in life. The earliest I can remember is Sept 1991. I was 4 years old. Yeah, I was 4. And I was watching the pilot of Home Improvement, and it came to the scene where Tim & Mark start working on the dishwasher and they take their shirts off. At 4 years old something stirred inside me. I didn't understand what or why, just that I liked that scene. And because my dad had taped it for my mom because she was working night shift, I got that tape (I learned how to work a VCR at 3 years old lol) and watched that scene over and over again. Around the same time I remember undressing my Buddy doll (look it up) and hanging out with him naked in my room. Again not understanding why, just wanting to be naked with the doll. Eventually my parents got annoyed/concerened that I was getting naked so often and spending so much time watching that Home Improvement episode so they took the doll away, deliberately taped over the Home Improvement episode (you know how much a recording of the very first airing of Home Improvement including commercials would be worth now?! lol) and made me stay downstairs with them as much as possible. I was very confused about what I had done wrong.

So my next earliest memory of same-sex attraction was in second grade, it was fall 1995, I'd just turned 8 and I'd seen an episode of Goof Troop where Max & PJ go swimming, and wanting to see that episode again. I remember laying in bed at night, imagining an episode where Max & PJ went skinny dipping. the following summer the film adaptation of Flipper came out and even though I didn't get to see it in theaters, I wanted to. There was a cover story in Disney Adventures that along with interviews and behind-the-scenes looks, had a few pics of Elijah Wood shirtless. I looked at that issue quite frequently. My family never got around to seeing it in theatres but I did rent it the first week it came out on video. And enjoyed Elijah Wood's many swimming scenes lol.

I remember the first time I heard the word "gay", it was spring 1997, I was 9, and the movie In And Out was being released. I saw the TV spot on my own while watching a Home Improvement rerun (full circle lol) but then every time I saw it with my parents they'd either immediately mute it or change the channel. Didn't understand why but didn't really want to ask. My parents were NEVER big on communication or explaining why things were right or wrong, just that they are and they should never be questioned. The first time I heard gay in a negative context was that fall, 1997, I had just turned 10, and in a very weird twist of fate, it was a Cosby episode (not the original Cosby series, the 90s series with Madelyn Kahn). Hilton unwillingly joins a gay softball team. my dad freaks out, turns the TV off, and immediately starts lecturing my sister and I that being gay is evil and wrong and gay people all deserve to die. Not once did he even mention what being gay meant. I couldn't even tell you where I learned what it actually meant, it probably wasn't until I was in 7th grade, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

In the summer of 1998 a family moved in across the street from us and I befriended the son who was a year ahead of me. i was a big outcast at school so this was my first real experience with a friendship. We'd go swimming and have sleepovers and every time I caught myself unconsciously checking out his body. I couldn't even explain why. Okay so, soon after I turned 12, I started coming up with these elaborate fantasies about skinny dipping with my neighbor friend, and when I say elaborate I mean elaborate lol like I imagined what our day had been like leading up to us skinny dipping, I imagined we were hiking in Harding Park and came across a hidden lake. I also found myself checking out guys in the locker room after gym class. But what's weird is even though I'd become aroused, I never masturbated, I didn't start until about a year later and even then I didn't know what it was yet, just that it felt really really good. Right before I turned 14 I was spending the night at a friend's house and I don't even remember how it started but we ended up getting naked in his bed and masturbating together. We didn't touch each other, but for some reason I kept feeling compelled to rub my bare feet on his bare feet. He didn't seem to care. That happened every time we got the chance, then about a year later, it was summer 2002 and he was spending the night again, we were naked and masturbating in bed when he suddenly rolled over on top of me and started grinding on me. This was new and a little scary but it felt so good! I won't go into the details of what all we did but for the next 2 years we messed around every chance we got. In bed, in the pool changing room, in his dad's garage, the woods. By now we both knew what being gay was and how it was looked down on, (especially considering we went to Catholic school) so we told ourselves we weren't gay (by now I was also becoming very attracted to girls as well) we told ourselves we were just two horny virgins looking for an orgasm. And for a long time I believed it...

So, the messing around with my friend ended after 2 years when I was 16. He got a girlfriend and lost his virginity and didn't need me anymore. He and I never messed around again and eventually drifted apart. In a frustrating twist he's actually become a rabid anti-gay bible thumper. From there my bisexual tendencies kind of faded away for the time being. I became exclusively focused on girls and eventually lost my virginity to a woman at the tender age of 20 lol.

Fast forward to the summer of 2012. I'm now 24 and I start feeling attracted to other guys again. I find myself remembering those times with my friend with fondness. I found myself paying just as much attention to the guys in porn as the women, and even found myself watching gay porn. It would take me almost another year to work up the courage to do anything about it but in summer 2013 at the encouragement of a very good friend I placed an ad on Craigslist (in hindsight pretty risky but I was lucky) I was messaged by a 23 year old guy. After emailing and texting for a few days and becoming reasonably sure he wasn't a serial killer, we met at a McDonald's and then drove to a secluded field by a set of railroad tracks. And it was amazing. Over that summer I met up for sex with him and a few other guys I met online. In September of that year I met a guy that would change my life forever and not in a good way. We met up once and the sex was ok, not great but ok. For some reason he became absolutely obsessed with me, he wanted me to be his boyfriend. But not only was I not ready to openly date a guy, I wasn't that into him even if I was ready. He kept trying for a few weeks but eventually gave up. So fast forward to Feb 2014 and he contacts me apologizing for getting so obsessed and asking if I wanted to come over just for sex and I did. Afterwards we were cuddling naked in his bed and he again asks if I'll be his boyfriend. I again explained my reason for not wanting to take that step. Something inside of him snapped. He jumped on top of me and started choking me, a physical fight I don't remember all the details of ensued, I was kicked and punched and he eventually calmed down and apologized, I quickly got dressed and left. After that I didn't hear from again for another 2 years (more on him in a moment). In April of that year I attended an event on campus my friend had organized, it was a public gathering of an LGBT support group and people could talk about their experiences with coming out, prejudice they faced, anything they wanted to talk about. I got up there and told an abbreviated version of my story. It was the first time I'd really acknowledged that I was bisexual in front of anyone other than a few close personal friends and it was very liberating even though I was shaking the entire time.

Now we fast forward to summer 2016. My stalker returned. He demanded I have sex with him again. And I refused. So he informed me he'd found me on Facebook and would out me to all my friends if I didn't give in to him. So I beat him to the punch and decided to out myself. It was nerve racking but I did not want to have to be with him again and the public response was overwhelmingly positive. So now here I am over a year later and I'm reasonably at peace with myself and my sexuality. Obviously my family still doesn't know and it's gotta stay that way but my friends support me and that's what matters. And also, shortly after I came out, for the first time in my life, I met a guy who I actually had feelings for. All my previous encounters had been physical only but there was something about this guy. I knew things were different the first time we cuddled after sex and I caught myself rubbing my toes up and down his bare feet, something I usually only did with women after sex. Even though things didn't work out it was an educational experience for me to learn I could not just have sex with a guy but also develop genuine feelings for. Who knows where things are gonna go from here?

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Member Since: 15-Apr-04
Location: DE
Posts: 1730
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A Thinker
Go you! And good luck with things!

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Member Since: 13-Mar-16
Location: AU
Posts: 2425
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Active Contributor
With an attention span of ..... Well, couldn't read all that but good onya. Ya know what they say, a cock's as good as a cunt to a bi-guy. (They probably don't say that actually jerk )

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