EmuLater's Recent Statuses
Sun, 24-Mar-24 9:18 PM
(4 days ago)
Another drama llama blocked
Thu, 21-Mar-24 4:03 PM
(7 days ago)
"Delivery rider bites off customer's thumb during row over pizza"
Tue, 19-Mar-24 6:48 PM
(9 days ago)
"Essex man, 39, jailed for cyber-flashing in first of its kind case in England and Wales" Do not send unsolicited pics of your dick to anyone!
Thu, 14-Mar-24 5:31 PM
(14 days ago)
I woke up to find my moustache was missing this morning. Someone must have stolen it from right under my nose.
Sun, 10-Mar-24 10:47 AM
(18 days ago)
I got a new car for my Mom this Mother’s Day. It’s the best trade I ever made.
Fri, 8-Mar-24 9:15 AM
(20 days ago)
One of the animals in the local zoo is pregnant, but nobody is comfortable talking about it. It’s the elephant in the womb.
Thu, 7-Mar-24 11:27 AM
(21 days ago)
Breaking news: A truck full of pepper mills has crashed on the highway. The traffic has ground to a halt.
Tue, 5-Mar-24 12:14 PM
(23 days ago)
I’m currently reading a book about a couple of insects who fall in love in an Italian city. It’s a Rome ants novel.
Fri, 1-Mar-24 10:06 AM
(27 days ago)
I was alone in the bath. Imagine my surprise when I felt a tap on my shoulder!
Wed, 28-Feb-24 11:22 AM
(29 days ago)
My doctor told me that I’m suffering from insomnia. I asked, “Is it serious?” He said, “There’s no cause for any alarm.”
Sun, 18-Feb-24 10:57 AM
(39 days ago)
How can you tell when a bucket gets sick? It becomes a little pale.
Sat, 17-Feb-24 10:53 AM
(40 days ago)
Apparently exercising helps with decision making. It’s true! I went for a jog today and decided I’m never going again.
Tue, 13-Feb-24 6:10 PM
(44 days ago)
Steve Wright has passed away.
RIP
Tue, 13-Feb-24 2:53 PM
(44 days ago)
It's pissing down here... That ends today's weather forecast.
Sat, 10-Feb-24 9:38 AM
(47 days ago)
It is known that there are five Great Lakes in North America. But one is truly Superior.
Fri, 9-Feb-24 8:55 AM
(48 days ago)
I managed to resuscitate a clown the other day. He’s now on laugh support.
Wed, 7-Feb-24 8:24 AM
(50 days ago)
I told my wife our next door neighbor died. She said, “Who? Ray?” I told her it was way too early to celebrate like that.
Tue, 6-Feb-24 11:00 AM
(51 days ago)
Tue, 6-Feb-24 9:04 AM
(51 days ago)
My wife asked me to take her to one of those restaurants where they prepare the food right in front of you. So I took her to Subway... It wasn't a happy meal.
Mon, 5-Feb-24 6:05 PM
(52 days ago)
Just announced on TV: King Charles diagnosed with cancer and will take step back from official duties.
Sun, 4-Feb-24 10:26 AM
(53 days ago)
I didn’t like working at the steel plant. It smelt.
Sat, 3-Feb-24 8:58 AM
(54 days ago)
I hired a landscape gardener the other day. But he told me that he couldn’t do the work, because my garden is portrait.
Mon, 29-Jan-24 4:56 PM
(59 days ago)
Emu wearing a scarf.
Sun, 28-Jan-24 8:20 AM
(60 days ago)
What would happen if you torpedoed a Finnish man’s boat? Helsinki.
Sat, 27-Jan-24 1:04 PM
(61 days ago)
A scarf can be so versatile!
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