I found an e-book on amazon.com, and the title hit me like a brick.

[url]http://www.amazon.com/Dating-After-Trauma-experiencing-ebook/dp/B00C8BV1AW/ref=sr_1_16?s=digital-text&ie=UTF8&qid=1374564533&sr=1-16&keywords=sexual+help[/url]

I don't know how exactly to explain this but I'll try. Every time I've dated, or tried - loved beyond anything and given my all to a relationship.. I've always wondered why they kept running.

This book may very well have the answers I've been struggling to find for years.

It's hard sometimes to explain how exhausted I've felt by wanting a relationship but not because I need the other there. I don't know the social norms of texting and shit. Most of my friends will just text me like crazy because they want to talk to me and I'll reciprocate.

Funny enough I wasn't even looking for this book. I was researching for a new swimsuit, then ended up looking at sex toys, then ran into this book while ...*cough* looking for blow job advice *cough*

The biggest parts of my life have been brushed under a rug for years. Hopefully this could help another part of my journey.

I'm a sucker for a man in eyeliner.


I wanna attempt to dance with a cane like that! Pull off Burlesque!

One of these days I want to be in plays like he has done. I'm not sure if I could ever carry a tune as well as he can but hey wouldn't hurt to try.

Adam Lambert you're a damn fine human being for being in the arts. Stay sexy.

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” -Nelson Mandela

Friends-

I'm locking down my profile and doing a few things differently. I'm going to be looking for work soon so I don't need what I have up already messing with my chances of getting a job.

No - I'm not leaving. I just don't need anyone recognizing me even though I enjoy the friendships I've made.

It still weirds me out when there's an on-screen kiss in a movie.

Me: adfghjhggfkl *covers eyes with hands then peeps out the cracks of my fingers*

Big explosions? I'm all right. But if I can TIME out when something will happen in a movie like a full gun out on head shot....

Me: *looks away and ducks down*

I can't think of anything else right now.

"I ordered a frapucchino where's my fucking frappuchino?"


Just went out to go and look at a motorcycle as my first bike, specifically a 2008 Buell Blast. I'll make my decision within the next week about it.

Lately I've been reading more books. Self-help books if you want to call them that. I'm not perfect and I don't plan on being perfect but arming myself with this knowledge will help me realize things sooner rather than watching the rest of my life pass me by.

[url]http://www.amazon.com/Single-Womans-Sassy-Survival-ebook/dp/B00742WT1U/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1373959188&sr=1-1&keywords=a+sassy+girls+survival+guide[/url]

I'm not through this book yet but it's already been an aid in me realizing my own 'desperateness' which is something of a trait from family. I don't like it and it makes me feel like I'm just 'available'. That is going to change.

I've also read about relationships that have managed to kill me emotionally. Again - something else I must let go of. I've also realized how outright NEEDY I can be. But I'm so reliable I'm being used for it.

Well that ends starting now. Call it taking a stand or whatever you want - I'm just through with friendships that are one-sided and in thinking I'm available.

Please play this track if you can while reading through: [url]https://youtu.be/sIv17mT9pBc[/url]

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It was more of a dance at times, a small feeling of gestures in the way her body moved to the sound. The lighting matched against the sound. Eyes closed and in the moment of full desire until he managed to gather the courage to touch her.

It wasn't that he didn't want to touch her - if anything he wanted for her to continue as she was. Yet the strong desire had given him the motive to move forward, as if it were a move entirely based off of the sultry moves she produced that aroused him. His touch met her shoulder in a polite and assuring gesture.

She drew a breath, her eyes turning to him with a bright smile. He returned her smile and he didn't want her to ever discontinue with her dance. Her skin embraced against him affectionately yet he wanted much more than that. His eyes told her, she moved closer - knowing at the moment it may not be the best decision or even less than love.

Neither knew the others name yet the sensation of touch against another body and another soul was all that was imploring the lust over their sanity.

Between the hunger of the bodies, the two became enlightened as the sensations that they felt together that night of ravished anticipation while their heartbeats raced in passionate elation. The arousal of having the moment at hand was far more than each were looking for, yet it was welcomed openly.

For anyone who feels that maybe, possibly - that they feel like I do sometimes; too fat.

"You would look so much better if you'd lose 10 pounds.", is something that I have heard quite often. What if I don't want to lose ten pounds or even twenty pounds?

An ideal weight may be great for some, but I'm not in it to be more lean and smaller. I'm in it for how I will feel. I want to be happy.

http://www.xojane.com/it-happened-to-me/your-body-a-sexy-letter-from-a-size-positive-boyfriend

The link above is an amazing letter that was sent by this womans' boyfriend. So don't forget that while you may have your insecurities, self-esteem issues and all. There is someone out there willing to love you for who you really are despite your size.

Just remember that if someone tells you that they love you: believe them. Know that it's not just something that's said and erased like on a dry-erase board. Think of it as permanent marker on a dry-erase board it won't leave so easily.

Show them you love yourself, because they believe in you so much to tell you they love you. They want for you to also believe in you. It's why they took the step of choosing to tell you that they did.

"The flower that blooms in adversity is the rarest and most beautiful of all."

I have had a recent rise in self esteem and it's growing immensely. During my mini-vacation to the Vancouver area and on my way through Seattle I was listening to the radio and I heard Bruno Mars' new song called Treasure.


While I honestly haven't really wanted to be anyone but myself, I've also gone through quite a bit of personal health issues. Thankfully I have an awesome new doctor who has helped me immensely with my hypothyroidism. She's been such a help and I feel...alive again.

For quite a few years I've felt so lethargic and lazy, but now I have so much more drive and energy to do things. It was depressing at points because I knew how capable of a person I am, yet it was incredibly tough to deal with being something I personally knew that wasn't normal for me. I can't thank my doctor enough for all the help she has given me and it hasn't even been a year.