I am an insatiable woman.. if my body could handle it.. I would want sex multiple times in a day.. and it still would not be enough.

As it stands now.. I believe I can physically handle it every other day..

I have worn out partners in the past .. I have been broken up with because I was too horny. Both in person.. and online.

About four years ago.. I locked up the insatiable side of myself, for good reason.. She always ends up making me kinda sad..

Being horny without being able to do anything about it.. is what I hear a lot of men say.. and it is torture for them.. I am feeling the same way..

Way back about 10 years ago.. I would go online and search out men to make cum.. I would write them into orgasms.. I have a natural way of telling it like it is.. and it turns out to be arousing to some men..

I did this for over two years.. I had no problem finding dicks to cum.. They are literally everywhere.

My sadness started when that first man.. didn't even acknowledge what just happened.. he just logged off.. and then it kept happening.. a bunch of the next dicks in line, just came and went.. I tried to take it as a compliment.. But then I remembered for some men, a stiff wind will have the same effect as I have. So was it really a compliment after all?

I would get some men who would fight against the sleepy inducing antics that just occurred..They would take the time to talk about the adventure we just went on.. giving me tips.. what worked.. what kinda was a turn off.. and so on.. and heck.. a Thank you for your time.. was always great! There were just far too few of them.

I got tired of the more negative treatment.. I started looking for some connections with people first.. Maybe we could have many explosion times together.. And maybe I could have some connection after.. I do know that I was then.. and still am wanting something that is just not natural.

The matters of a man attached to a dick are very clear.. The item of his sexual desire is no longer needed.. once that cum flies.. Which means.. even if it is gonna hurt feelings.. He just can't/doesn’t care about it anymore.. I did what I was there for.. now move along.

Would I even be remembered? Maybe.. probably not tho. It was just masterbation after all.. I was putting too much into, what this was to everyone else.. I was misguided.. too inexperienced.. and my hopes were placed in the wrong area.

I would spend time with this man.. he pops and then he goes off on his day.. or goes to sleep.. and I.. Well I stare at the screen and get mad at myself for engaging. I end up feeling so dumb, Why did I do that again.. Definition of insanity here or what.. ha.. No matter what I may think I want.. it does not exist. In this moment, in this time for this man.. I will never matter as much as I did, just a few minutes before. That's just science!

I have accepted that things for me.. won't change.. unless I change them..

Which means putting that insatiable side of myself away.. and not letting her out for any reason whatsoever.. All she does and has done.. is crush me after each speck of glorious cum shoots from the tip of a dick.. sigh.. I need to find a strong enough mental box to stuff little miss insatiable in.

Brings me to being here again.. for 4 years.. I was able to keep that part of myself untouchable.. I kept my sadness/disappointment at bay.. I avoided all signs of excitement and playing.. I self labeled myself allergic to online playing.. and especially being directly involved with a man jerking off to completion. In fact.. I rarely ever talked to men at all.. I kept to myself.. I was so against arousal.. I would skip the parts in the books I would read, where they would talk about romance.. or sex.. or anything that could trigger that side of me to peak out.

I was successful.. I did not even really think about men anymore. Which for a life long boy crazy girl, was a huge change.. I let them go..

Since being back.. I have been obsessing over dick..ha.. I love that when I would open my NN app up.. there were a lot of them.. just waiting for me to look at them all.. And I look.. oh yes I do.. I look and drool.. and wish.. and hope.. and of course.. allow myself a little bit, to get aroused by them..

I have found myself getting carried away a touch while talking.. Just being my old self.. telling it like it is.. It reminds me how that saying goes.. its like riding a bike.. you never forget.. ha.. my muscle memory did not forget at all.. It still feels the same.. This empty feeling where I know that man is having a groovy fantastic sleep.. and I ... am still staring at the screen.

Now I can brainstorm some great fixes for myself.. Like find more men to be with.. find the right man to be with.. Let myself orgasm without love, with everyone.. and everything will be all better.. If only I didn't have all these pain filled ailments.. It takes a long time for someone to learn about my pain.. And it takes forever for them not to be afraid of said pain.. and hurting me.

(Side Note) I am not sure there is a right man.. No one can be everything for you.. If he is like rockstar lover.. Someone who is very compatible and who sets the bar so high.. You cant imagine anyone else even coming close.. You can not be surprised when he is not compatible with you in other important area of your life. Full package does not exist.. Well.. that is not true at all.. They do exist.. but they are all Married, otherwise taken or maybe even on the other side of the planet.. ha

Online play.. sure.. No risk of pain there.. or disease. If only I could get over my hangups, over being online playing.. I would be just great, ha. I don't see that happening anytime soon tho.. It is just not realistic.. It never really worked for me in the past anyway.. I was just even more in discomfort.. Typing a man into his O.. left no time for me to play.. and.. it is just not the turn on for me.. The turn on.. is when he cums.

And.. would online play be enough? It is still me.. playing with me at the end of the day.. I can do that all by myself.. and not have to endure these empty feelings after..

This overly hurt me, who wishes to avoid pain like the plague.. This me that really does feel the best course of action here, is to just find a strong enough mental box to shove little miss insatiable into. Is it the right thing to do.. I doubt it!

I guess I am writing this because it is bothering me.. I am posting it here so maybe there are other people who might be feeling the same way.. or just have a different look to this... I would like some other ideas I may have not thought of..

or..

maybe I just wanted to share this, so it is not rattling around in my head anymore.. idk..

Maybe it is just because I have had some success in this section of NN.. getting some different perspectives sure helped me learn more about myself, already. Plus.. it is not like this is great table talk with the coworkers.

Thanks for reading.. thanks for your time.. and thanks for anything you respond here.

Hugs